Thursday, January 24, 2013

An Orange Headband?

When I was about 8 months pregnant this summer, I signed up to do a Tough Mudder for this coming May.

I think I was caught up in the whole, "I'm going to get in great shape and get my body back...and I'd like to see my feet again..." idea of it.

Seemed like it would be a good motivator to get myself cracking again.
Not to mention that it falls on my husband's birthday weekend... and it would be "fun" (yeah, right) to do it together. 

Right.  Here I am... TOTALLY second guessing my decision.

The Tough Mudder peeps sent out an email last week I guess trying to pump up the registered "mudders"(That's what we'll call them).  Really, all it did was scare me.

I'm NOT pumped.
I'm terrified.

Apparently they have all new obstacles.

Woohoo! Awesome! Can't wait!
Is this some sort of joke?

So now... What?
Instead of pools of ice water under monkey bars and tunnels of muddy ice water and electrocution(!!!!!!!), they'll have pits with tigers in them?  Seriously. I'd like to know how they plan on taking it to the next level after electrocution?!?

I'm concerned.
I was concerned BEFORE the email.... Now I'm REALLY concerned.

I can run.  The running is not the issue here. 

It's the monkey bars. AND the electrocution, but that really goes without saying here.

Monkey bars and I do NOT mix.

Ever see someone do one of those Tarzan rope swings over water?  Looks easy, right?

They had one of those rope swings on a Hawaii vacation my family went on when I was in college.
My younger brother grabbed the rope, swung out over the water, did a back flip and dropped in.
So I thought, "How hard can this be??"
I grabbed the rope, lasted 1.5 seconds(that's being generous), gave out a helpless yelp and dropped like a ton of bricks into the water. 

So supporting my own body weight? That ain't my thang.
You know what else ain't my thang?  Being cold. And wet. And cold AND wet together.
And the whole electrocution thing?
SERIOUSLY?!?! Why am I doing this again?

So, say you survive the cold water, the monkey bars, the electrocution AND the tiger pits...

**note: I don't really think there will be tiger pits. Pretty sure that's illegal.

You know what you get at the end?

You get electrocuted and they give you a headband.

At least after running a marathon you get a medal.

Maybe I should create my own event and call it,

And my obstacles would be things that only a mother could do.

Things like....
Getting a baby out of a poop covered one-sie without getting any poop on the baby's face or hair.


Bringing a handful of kids into a rest stop bathroom ...all in one stall and have them NOT. TOUCH. ANYTHING.

I would call another obstacle, "DINNER TIME".
You'd have to wear a baby in a Bjorn, while cooking dinner, helping with homework AND bathing children. All with a smile on your face :)

At the end of all of the obstacles all the mothers would get a bottle of wine and an hour of complete silence.  TOTALLY worth it.

Ahh well, I'll suck it up and do the Tough Mudder in May and probably enjoy it! (doubtful)

I'm sure I'll laugh my way through it (and maybe cry some too! ELECTROCUTION?!? hello!?!)

I've made my husband promise not to yell at me as he's dragging me over a muddy wall or through a muddy tunnel and I'm laughing my butt off with no strength to help myself. 
When I laugh, I seem to lose all strength I have whatsoever. 

And in the end... I'll be so proud... and muddy... cold...and wet.... with a stupid grin...wearing my ORANGE HEADBAND!!

Peace, Love and RIGHT NOW

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, I'm reading this laughing out loud. My back is killing me...pretty sure from my ab workout. How are we going to do this??!!! I like your idea way better! THAT I can handle...and the wine and silence??!!! That's a real reward!!! Monkey bars...I can't make ONE move!!! Here's to hoping we don't pee our pants!!!!