Friday, August 26, 2016

The summer of my kids

I never thought I'd ever hear myself say these words out loud..... like ever...
but for the love of God... I need the summer to end. 

I said it. 

I may be the only mother that's never said it.  But I'm saying it now. 

I'm throwing in the towel. 

I cannot do it. 

I cannot summer any longer. 

This morning I was literally hiding in the bathroom while my children were screaming outside the door.
And when I say screaming... I mean SCREAMING.
I'm fairly certain the neighbors heard them. 

I just couldn't bring myself to referee one more fight. I couldn't bring myself to intercede. 
There was screaming and things being thrown and doors being slammed... while I just huddled in the corner... silently weeping....waving my tiny white flag. 

We have had too much of each other. 
All of us.
I'm sick of them...they're sick of me... we're ALLLLLLLLL sick of each other up in here. 

Patience is long gone. 
Responses like, "Ok, no problem" and "Sure!" have been replaced with, 
"I AM!!!!!" and "UGH!!!!" 

Phrases like, "WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN?" and "YOU. ARE. SO. ANNOYING." are used multiple times daily here. 

My tune-it-out capability is shot. 
So I hear all the whining, all the time. 
"Pleeeeeeease.... Mommmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyy.... whhhhhhhyyyyyyyy" 

Holy mackerel. I might lose my marbles. 

I've cleaned up the kitchen approximately 9,489,321 times... because my children are constantly eating. 

The snacking....it is their full time job, I'm sure of it. Snacks...ALLLLLL the snacks... ALLLLL the time. Snacks, snacks, snacks

I'm sure they are getting paid, under the table, to snack. I'm sure of it. 
Paid endorsements for eating granola bars, Teddy Grahams and Ritz crackers.  

We don't eat meals this summer. We just eat snacks. 

No joke - My son will wake up in the morning and request a snack. Nevermind breakfast... just a snack. 

And I've given up - I've totally just given up!
You want a snack for breakfast? 

It's "No." the first 10 times he asks... and then the 11th time... I'm so worn down that I just yell, 

"FINE!!!!! HAVE A SNACK FOR BREAKFAST!" 

They've broken me. I'm broken. 

I don't even know who I am anymore. 

Organization and order have gone out the window this summer - 
My house has turned into a frat house... only.... a lot less fun
This isn't fun.  

I don't even know how to describe it... it's just constant ...constant. 
And I  can't keep up with the constant CONSTANT. 

It's water bottles and towels and bathing suits... and it's loud crashes coming from far corners of the house...and it's crafts and crayons... and the dog stealing someone's underwear and chewing it in the corner and it's someone half yelling/half whining, "STOOOOOOOP!!!!!" and it's toothpaste spackled all over the bathroom... and someone peeing on the wall by accident. 

HOW IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU PEE ON THE WALL BY ACCIDENT???? 

I just don't know. 

And I can't tell you how many hours this summer have been spent in my car.  
My poor car. 
My husband insists it is time for a new car. And really, it probably is. 
We bought this van 3 weeks before the twins were born... and they're 9 now. 
And this car is TRASHED. 
Like, "it looks like someone might live in there at night while we're sleeping", trashed. 
Like, "Don't know where the garbage is? Just throw it on the floor of mom's car", trashed

The third row is like the mystery row. Like that mystery flavor dum-dum lollipop. You never know what you'll get. 
I don't go back there. EVER. And with good reason. 
The cup holders are filled with(and not limited to) the following: Rocks, shells, gum wrappers, lollipop sticks (with that little bit of leftover lollipop that sticks to everything), banana peels, half empty water bottles(but I'll be optimistic...so they're half FULL), broken crayons, scraps of paper, other kid's homework, book marks, erasers, stickers from the doctor's office, goldfish, etc. etc. etc. 

My car constantly needs to be vacuumed and needs a good washing. The windows are smeared with hand prints and it has a funky... sweaty... food-y... beachy. smell to it.  

Sounds awesome? Oh, it is. 

And I've somehow managed to spend most of my summer in that luxury vehicle driving to and from camps, the library, the pool, the shore, friend's houses, dr. appointments, the grocery store.... 

Kids in the car... kids out of the car.... packing the car, unpacking the car... water bottles, swim suits, backpacks, dog crate... in and out...and in again... 

I don't know what planet I was on back in June when I was dreaming of what my...excuse me... OUR summer would be like. 

Leisurely days spent at the beach.... swimming with friends at the pool... picnic lunches...collecting shells... early dinners followed by ice cream cones...day trips to visit friends...exploring new places... Sleeping in... 

NO. There has been none of that. 
This has not been OUR summer at all. It's been THEIR summer. This summer has been for my kids. Every last ever loving second of it has been for them. 

Tie Dying shirts? Sure. No problem.
Finding Dory? Yep. Let's go! 
Field Hockey Camp for a week? Yup. 
Tennis? Absolutely. 
Fro Yo?  mmmmhhhhmmmm....
Surf Lessons? You got it. 

Heaven forbid we have a day with no plans...they all sort of hover looking at me like, "Well? What do you have for us to do now?"

Um. Excuse me?

I'm pretty sure when I was a kid, my mom drove me to the pool, dropped me off with a cooler and a towel and said, 'See ya at 5'
That was it.
I was on my own with my older brother for the day.
Here were our options - none.  We weren't given a choice of things to do. We were told, "You're going to the pool." And we did.

We went to the pool pretty much every day.  And there we had "pool friends". They were friends we didn't see really at any other time of the year, but the summer.  We didn't complain that our "regular" friends weren't there. We went and hung with our pool friends, all. summer. long.

There we played shuffleboard, knock hockey, board games, card games...and endless games of concentration. We made friends with the high school life guards.  We swam until our eyes burned from chlorine. We made forts with towels and pool chairs. We played swimming games with a golf tee and we had cannon ball competitions.

And that was our summer.
We didn't go to 12 different camps. Our mom didn't drive us all over creation fulfilling our every whim. 

And sometimes I sit back and think... "What in the hell am I doing wrong?"
Am I doing something wrong?
I must be.
I feel like all the other moms are doing the same damn thing I'm doing..  are they? I think so.

And I can't help but feel like we are doing our kids and ourselves a MAJOR disservice
After this summer... I'm pretty sure we are.

After this summer my kids have this idea that the world revolves around them.
That their every whim and request should be fulfilled and that the world... or maybe not the world...but I owe them something.

And frankly - I'm over it.
It's been nonstop.. .them them them since June 21st.

And as summer now comes to a close -- I'm taking it back.
I'm taking it all back - This fall will be MINE.

I will put my foot down.
I will say no.
I will refuse extra practices and add on items.
If it doesn't work for me, I'm not doing it.
Because I'm done.
It's been 2 straight months of full throttle YES to everything for my kids and it's time to say yes to everything for me.

STARTING NOW.

But first I have to clean up the pee on the wall in the bathroom.


PEACE, LOVE & RIGHT NOW